I recently had coffee with my good friend, Matt. Marriage quickly became the topic of our chat. Here's Matt's story.
Matt had been married for 15 years. He and his wife had just separated and divorced in the last year. They had two elementary school aged children. Their one child had some challenges. I asked Matt what happened to cause the divorce. Matt said that the challenges involved with the children had an impact. He said that the divorce was neither her fault or his fault and went on to explain that they each lost sight of the marriage and focused on the children and other things. They lost sight of each other and the marriage was not the focus of the family. They grew apart.
I asked Matt, "did your wife stop being a wife and became only a mother?".
Without any sense of blame Matt replied "she lost her feminine essence".
What is feminine essence?
What it is not.
How do you get it?
How do you keep it?
How do you use it?
Feminine Essence - what it is.
Feminine essence is that sweet, sexy, sparkle in your eyes when you look at your husband and smile. It's the way you flirt with him in the kitchen while making dinner, or hold his hand during the most unexpected, everyday routine time. Feminine essence is the when you dress in that way he likes. For example, my husband likes me in clothes that are fitted on the bottom and looser on top. How do I know this? I asked him. I show him catalogues and magazines to see what he likes on women. Do you dress like a mom, or do you keep your appearance for your man? Feminine essence is your sweet laugh or giggle when your husband says something funny. Remember, your husband eats, sleeps and breathes to make you happy. It's all the things that make you a woman (his beautiful wife) that's so attractive to him. Think back to when you were dating your husband. How did you act? What did you do to get his attention? How did you speak to him, what did you say? All those flirty "win-your-man" things you did while dating..... that's feminine essence.
Feminine Essence - what it is NOT.
It's not mothering your husband. It's not treating him or speaking to him like one of the children. It's not dressing in sweatpants and a t-shirt and Birkenstocks. It's not wearing a frumpy clothes to bed. It's not being unthankful or miserable. It's not withholding sex. It's not always wanting the next big thing or adventure at your husbands expense. It's not trying to keep up with the Jones. It's not husband bashing when you get together with your girlfriends.
How do you get feminine essence?
Well, you were born with it. You were born with that sweet, kind, loving demeanor and that tender compassion and romance that is so attractive to your husband.
How do you keep it?
You keep your feminine essence by making your husband #1 on your list, making sure his needs are met. (mind you, it doesn't take 24 hours to meet his needs). Keep your feminine essence by making your marriage the center of your family (not your kids, not your mother, not your career, not anything else). Keep your feminine essence by waking up in the morning and keeping up your appearance and your home. Keep your feminine essence by speaking sweetly to your man, appreciating him and all he does, respecting, adoring and enjoying your husband. Keep your feminine essence by bringing out the best in your man. Respect and reverence, him; notice, regard, honor and prefer him; esteem, defer to and praise your man; love and admire him exceedingly; revere, appreciate, prize and adore him; admire your husband, be devoted to him, deeply love and enjoy him. When you keep these feelings towards your husband, your feminine essence will come alive.
How do you use it?
Use your feminine essence everyday to keep your marriage alive, happy, exciting and healthy. Use it when you speak to your husband and when you speak about your husband. Use it when you dress - dress to catch his attention; use it when you walk by him, touch him; smile and talk sweetly to him. Ask him about his day and be genuinely interested in him and his accomplishments. Praise him for what he does to help around the house, when he treats you well, when he takes care of the kids and when he goes to work to provide for the family. Use your feminine essence to treat your husband like a king. You are the only person on the planet who can do this. You are the only one who can make him feel alive, turn him on and bring out the best in him.
The feminine essence you had when dating your husband is what he loves about you. Continue to use your feminine essence to keep your marriage alive and the center of your family.
You are the best.
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