As a wife, we have two responsibilities. (Our husbands have eight).
Submit. Yes, I know, I know.... This is not a pleasant word. But stick with me and I'll show you what it means and how loving it is.
Marriage is not meant to suppress a woman's abilities as a leader and overseer.
The word "submit" means loving obedience, by proper arrangement, and deliberate decision.
As wives, we make a deliberate decision to lovingly obey our husband according to our proper arrangement.
Let's look at this definition one word at a time.
Loving obedience..... when you get in your car and drive down the road, do you obey the traffic laws? Do you stop at stop signs? Stay in your lane? These traffic laws are set into place to keep order on the road and to keep people safe.
Proper arrangement....the proper arrangement is proper. It's decent and in order. It's good and it's YOUR proper arrangement that YOU and YOUR husband decide on together. For example, one of our proper arrangements is that I stay home and take care of the kids and house while my husband is the major bread winner. That's OUR proper arrangement because that's what works for us right now. This could change. The point is that there needs to be a proper arrangement and only you and your husband can decide what that arrangement is. And there are proper arrangements in many categories of the marriage. And they can change in different seasons of life.
Deliberate decision.....You deliberately decided to get married to your husband. You deliberately decide to lovingly obey him in the proper arrangement that you two agree upon.
As we lovingly submit to ourselves to our husbands, they can lead us with confidence because they know that we believe in them and that we trust them.
Submitting doesn't mean you don't speak up if your husband is off in a category.
We lovingly encourage, support, and help them with kind and caring words.
At work, you submit to your boss. If you are an entrepreneur you submit to your clients.
Submit is a deliberate decision according to the proper arrangement between two people
In our culture 'submit' has a negative connotation, I'll be the first one to agree to that. In fact, when I was a little girl, my father ordered my mother to 'submit'. He threw that word around and used it to make her do daily chores, work and whatever he came up with. There was no love and no proper arrangement. "Submit" was out of balance and not understood or used correctly at all. It has taken me years and years of unlearning and undoing of this, once very ugly abusive word.
Around the world, men have abused this word and concept and that is not the way it's supposed to be used at all.
As wives, we submit with love and out of the love we have for our wonderful husbands.
When a husband and wife trust one another, we are used to talking everything through. We come to a consensus on an issue and then move forward together.
When the wife loving submits (in a proper arrangement) she allows her husband to be the head and cover her with his love and protection. His love and protection, care and concern are so great for his wife that "submitting" is a non-issue.
Think of the captain of a ship. There is one captain, his first mate, and the crew. The captain of the ship has the absolute best interest of his vessel and the entire crew. He leads and directs the crew for the best. When he says "raise the sails" the first mate and crew raise the sails because they trust the captain is making the best decision for the ship. They don't argue and fuss. The first mate doesn't say "well captain, I'm making the decisions around here now".
Don't get me wrong there are many, many situations that come up in our marriage; that after we discuss them, my husband will say, "baby, you know better than me here, you decide".
He's not a dictator.
It's a beautiful arrangement that passes all understanding. The more I lovingly submit, help him, bringing out the best in him, and am a sweet companion to my husband with great reverence and honor; the more he loves, nourishes, protects, cares for and leads our marriage/family. He is a man of steel and velvet. A soft loving man on the inside who adores me; with a strong iron, steel, titanium outside to protect, defend and lead.
When I lovingly submit I allow my husband to be the head and cover me with love and protection.
"Submit and obey" are two very tough words to swallow. It doesn't happen overnight. Sometimes I have to remind myself to do it because I want to be the leader instead. However; when you read and understand the definition and practice you'll see your husband rise to the occasion and be a great loving, tender leader.
Each couple has their own proper arrangement and how they live and work together. What works in my marriage is our proper arrangement. You and your husband will have to work on and develop your own proper arrangement that works for your marriage. It may take time and it may take adjusting over the years and seasons of life.
We live God's love to our husbands by lovingly submitting to them.
Here's a practical example.
We have 3 children ages 9-13. The schedule is jam packed. One evening I tell my husband that I'd like to be the chair of the Parent Teacher Association. My husband says, "sure honey, you would be very good at that." Then he asks, "when are the meetings? how much planning time would it require? what are all the responsibilities for that position?, would you be the only one or would you co-chair?, would you be able to do that on top of the busy activity/sports/tutoring schedule?" We talk it over, discuss the pros and cons and decide to sleep on it and talk about it the next day. When we talk again my husband says, "I think you would be a wonderful Parent Association Chair, but I'm concerned that you're already spread too thin with all the kids activities." Here, I can take his loving advice or ignore it. I choose to take his advice and all things work together for good. I'm blessed, the family is blessed and our home is peaceful and runs smoothly.
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